School

I've always been one of those kids who needs to go to school. I get short tempered when I miss a day or if it even seems like I am going to be late. I've always been told that I am a nerd for that but I honestly do not care. I'm even one of those kids who asks what the homework is and try to be the first to turn in homework. Nerd Alert. I missed school last week. Though I only had AP Literature, aiding, and my CTE class, I was still upset that I missed the day. I asked around for the homework that I missed and I attempted to do it. But, I felt like something important happened during the class that would carry over into the next class. And I was right. Today there was a quiz in class and since I was absent, I had difficulty answering some of the questions. This stressed me out and I ended up having even more trouble answering the questions where I did know the answer. I felt that it was going to lower my grade so much. I shut down and gave up. I just turned in my quiz and was wishing that there would be something that I could do to make it up and thankfully I was granted my wish. School is something that I look forward to, even though I may seem grumpy or not in the mood to be there/

Homeless Feeds

Four one of the clubs that I am a part of, we participate in monthly homeless feeds. I get this great feeling as we make the food and go out and serve it to the people in the line. I love hearing them say that I’m doing something wonderful and that they really appreciate it. I feel like I’m making a difference. Even though, it’s a small project and I only do it once a month, I see their delight and I know that I helped their lives. Every month, I work with the advisor and we create a theme for everyone’s meal. For example, pastries, sweets, meat, etc. One day we made plenty of sandwiches. It was freezing outside and my sister and I wanted to entertain ourselves while getting a laugh out of those we were serving. She took peanut butter and jelly and I took bologna. Whoever got rid of their sandwiches first didn’t have to do chores for a week. She took the deal since she thought she would win with their being less of her sandwiches and more of mine. This introduced her to marketing and trying to sell her product. Of course, I was ridding of my sandwiches faster than her. But I think it was how I was selling my sandwich. While she asked if they would like peanut butter and jelly, I would cut her off and say, “Why eat a boring PB&J sandwich when you can have a meaty cheesy sandwich?!?” and “Don’t choose her sandwich, mine’s wayyyy better.” Our sibling rivalry gave everyone a laugh which made us laugh even more. 

Biological Family

Family. When I hear that word, I think of my crazy family. Step siblings. Step family. Not knowing members of your biological family. Arguments. Laughter. All of it. I care deeply about my family, don't get me wrong. But sometimes I wonder what it would be like if my biological father was a part of my life. Would I actually have the two half brothers that everyone says I have? Would I argue with my mom as much as I do today? Would I be living with him instead of her? Would I even be going to this school? I imagine my life would be completely different. When I hear my mom talk, I find myself wondering more and more about what this parallel life would be like. My grandparents are very traditional. In their culture they are all about blood family. Though they will accept step or adopted children into their family, they will not consider them family. I guess I can see where my mother's anger from them comes from. They have fish on the wall, but only have five for me and my cousins. None for my three step sisters. I understand both sides. But this is because I get it. I guess in a way I am like them with the whole family thing. I consider my step family actual family. But to be honest, I don't love them as much as my blood. My mother refuses to realize that my step grandparents do the same thing. When my parents are not around, I find myself often feeling ignored or not a part of the family. Yet, I know they care for me like I'm one of their own grandchildren. Sometimes I just wonder what it would be like to meet my biological father. Last I heard, he lived in the Midwest. But, who knows where he really lives. I don't even know what I would say to him. Would I yell? Be angry? Ask why he wasn't there for me? I really want to know who he is, but I'm scared to find out.

Morbid Video Games

Has anyone ever wondered how someone could create such a morbid video game? Don't get me wrong, I love watching video games and playing them. But, a lot of them are filled with violence. One of my favorite games to watch is Heavy Rain. The plot is that there is a man who is called the origami killer who kidnaps kids and puts them in a sewer or well. He then sends the victim's parents a locker ticket and the locker has a box and multiple objects inside. And the essential question that he asks is, "How far would you go to save your child?" As the game progresses, the father is put to through trials that continuously risk his life. At one point, he even cuts off his own fingers and kills someone. Though the game has a good story line to me, I am somewhat appalled at the fact that someone can come up with a tragic story like this. How can one come up with the idea of hurting oneself over and over to save someone else's life. I'm just curious as to how their mind's work. It's a mystery.

Literature

I'm fond of reading, however my comprehension makes it hard for me to understand a lot of the things that we read in class. I really enjoyed Hamlet once I understood what was going on. I think that Burge's way of interpreting what had just happened by either lecturing us or having us watch a scene from the play helped me the most. I attempted to read Frankenstein freshman year for the little book reports that we had in Burge's honors class. I was really bored with the writing, but I think it's because I had a hard time comprehending what she is well, writing. I'm glad that we are beginning to read this book in class. It seems like an interesting story. And the doctor has really begun to interest me since he was in the show, Once Upon a Time. I know that the creation is not really named Frankenstein and that he isn't green or has the bolts in his neck. It makes me wonder how the media came to the idea that he should look like that in the cartoons.

Thanksgiving

As Thanksgiving approaches,  I have begun to realize how broken my family really is. My aunt recently gave birth to my new baby cousin and I have yet to meet her because of family disputes with my mother. My mother and her parents and sister have had this on going feud for years. She believes they treat her sister and their friends better than her and her family. Recently, she wanted some help with a family issue and all they said was, "Sorry." My mom was outraged. It was planned that we would go down to my grandparents house for Thanksgiving and we all could meet my new cousin and see how my aunt is doing. But after my mom got angry with my grandparents, she refuses to spend the holiday with them. I think it's a bit drastic, because it is her side of the family. Stuff like this has been going on since I moved to Reno. My mom changed the plans so that we would go spend Thanksgiving with my step family. However, that would not be until Saturday. Though I care for my step grandparents, I would rather spend it with my blood. I don't mean for that to sound bad in anyway, but I miss them so much. My mom hasn't let me spend any holiday with them for what seems like years. I understand that she and my step father have a ongoing feud with my grandparents, but I don't think that she should keep me from seeing them. She told me last week that we would not be having a feast on Thanksgiving, but save it for Saturday when we go down to see her "new" family. She told me that I could go spend the actual holiday with my grandparents and cousins and I was ecstatic. I started making plans with everyone and then she tells me this morning that we are going to have a mini feast with just us. I know it's holiday season and we should be thankful for family, but I do not agree with my mother's actions what so ever. I'm completely against it. 

Leadership

Leadership has always been a confidence booster for me. At leadership events, there is usually a key note or motivational speaker. I always get this boost of confidence and I feel like I can accomplish anything after I hear their presentations. One day during the conference last week, they were playing a song that had a dance to it. I noticed there wasn't a lot of people dancing to it. My friend told me that they wanted to go dance so I followed and along with a few others we danced to the Wobble song. Normally I would not have gone up there because I hate being in front of crowds. But, during leadership conferences, I feel like a more outgoing person. The only downside to leadership conferences is that they ask the same questions over and over. How can you apply this to your chapter? What skills from this can you apply to your chapter? How would this help your chapter? I was getting sick of hearing the same question. I was running out of ways to give different answers. All in all, I really like leadership conferences. They make me believe in myself more than I usually do. I feel good about myself. And somehow I believe that I discover myself all over again.

Don't Play Dumb

Over the years, I've noticed a lot of girls play stupid around guys. I've never understood why. Do guys think it's attractive to seem utterly stupid and ditzy? I guess I'll never know. I guess girls would do just about anything to get that one guy's attention. From my own experience, I have found myself pretending to be interested in things that the other has liked just so that he felt comfortable and liked me. I can listen to this guy talk about video games for hours and not even care that I don't understand what the conversation is about. He can even ask questions about what we discussed the day before and I play dumb and ask what he's talking about because I didn't remember the details of the previous conversation. I always thought that the act of playing dumb for a guy is ridiculous, even though I do it sometimes too. But during the skills conference, I noticed the extent to which a girl can play stupid. We were all separated into teams and we had to create a game in which the judges could play. The team leader was giving out directions so that the game was properly executed. And this girl next to me looked at a boy and literally said, "What does execute mean?" REALLY?! My friends and I looked at each other with our jaws dropped. It seemed that every two seconds she was asking what basic words meant. It was aggravating me. And all the boys around her did was laugh and then ask for her phone number. Do guys like when girls play stupid? Because I think it's super annoying. Come on girls, DON'T PLAY DUMB.

Blogs.. More like a burden.

We're required to write blogs twice a week for our AP Literature and Composition course. I think my teacher believes it will help us improve our writing or something. I don't quite remember the point. But, one's supposed to be about what we're learning in school and one about whatever we choose. To be honest, as the semester continues, I'm running out of ideas. I can only talk about things so much. I don't see the point in having to write on this "Blogger" twice a week, but there must be an important reason if we are required to do it so much. When it comes to creating ideas for this assignment, I often get bored. This is because I don't know what to write. I don't want to talk about personal things because, well, they're personal. I have so many things running through my mind and I have all these emotions that I could write about, but I am not comfortable doing so on the internet. I don't know how much longer I can talk about random subjects or the same play or book or poems that we are covering in this class. However, I'm not not going to do this assignment because there is obviously a personal gain for me. I can check write a blog off my bucket list. Well, I would if I had one.

Traumatized.

Since the morning that the Seniors hosted the hot chocolate gathering for the Freshmen, my mind has been elsewhere. That morning has ultimately been one of the worst that I have ever experienced. I woke up in a great mood, ready to start the day. However, my day would soon get crazy. I am usually running late every morning, but that day was not the case. We left early because it was windy and it looked like it would rain. I was sitting in the back seat shuffling through music and laughing with my mother and sisters. As my mom was driving through the neighborhoods to drop my sister off at O'brien, we witnessed something horrible.
There was a child who was more than likely in my sister's grade riding his bike. He was on his way to school. In uniform, a backpack on his back. Then it all happened in seconds. The boy riding the bike was hit by a truck that was not paying attention. In a matter of seconds he was on the street. Screaming. I was frozen. My mom jumped out of the car and a couple came running out of their house to see if he was okay. I did not know what to do. My sisters were crying and I tried to comfort them. The kid continued screaming, but he could not stand up. Soon enough, ambulances came and took him away.
My mom drove away and my sister had stopped crying by the time we arrived at her school. I moved to the front seat, speechless. Mom kept trying to ask me if I was okay, but I couldn't find words to answer. All I could think of was his screams and seeing him on the ground. The bike wheel spinning. I didn't feel like participating in the gathering at school, let alone actually be at school.
A week later and I can still see it perfectly and I can still hear his screams as if I was right there all over again.
My friends and teachers are asking me how I am dealing. I don't know what to say or think. I just don't want to talk about what I saw. I don't know how to process it. It's constantly on my mind. But I know that if I keep myself busy, it will not be there so much. Reckless drivers piss me off. How can they be so oblivious? You were driving in a neighborhood on a school day. Children are riding bikes and walking to school. Be cautious.
I really hope that kid is ok. I feel so horrible that it happened. And that I was there to witness, but could not process it fast enough to help him.

Concerts

My very first concert was Hilary Duff. I remember dressing up with my cousins and soon to be step sisters in glittery pink shirts and having our hair curled. Hilary Duff used to be our role models. We used to watch her show Lizzie McGuire every day and listen to her songs in the car every day. I'm pretty sure she was the first concert for many of the high school girls. I have been to 6 concerts total: Hilary Duff, Panic! At the Disco, Justin Bieber, Rascal Flatts, Suicidal Tendencies, and Panic! At the Disco (again). I think that my least favorite concert was the Suicidal Tendencies one. That was the first time that I have ever been to the Knitting Factory downtown. My old friend's cousin was the drummer and she wanted me and my other friend to go with her. So my friend and I bought tickets and met her down there. At first I didn't think that it was that bad, but then the second opening act screamed, "FORM THE PIT!" The quiet guy who was nodding his head next to my group started dancing and moving around really fast, grabbing anyone in sight and tossing them around. Guess who was one of the people grabbed? That's right, me. I've never been in a mosh pit before and I was scared. I was being pushed around. People were tugging at my shirt pulling me here and there. I saw one of my other friends there and he thankfully pulled me out. The friend who invited me told me I was a 'Wuss' and went and told all of our friends that I was boring at concerts because all I did was stand there. I thought that was hilarious because she was the one standing there when I was in the pit. There's a concert this weekend that my boyfriend wants to go to, Rob Zombie and Korn. I like Korn and I'm pretty sure that I'd like Rob Zombie, but I'm sort of scared to go. I don't want another bad experience in the pit if this concert has one.

Hamlet Memorization

In AP Literature, we have to memorize a speech for Hamlet that is at least 25 lines. I thought I was going to do "O, my offence is rank," spoken by King Claudius, but as I was reading Act IV last night I was drawn to another speech. I decided to change the speech that I was going to memorize to "How all occassions do inform against me," spoken by Hamlet himself. In class today, Mr. Burge had us do one of his tricks to help us memorize it faster- writing the first letter of each word on a notecard. This helps me memorize the speech rather fast. This is the third time in my high school career that I have had him as my teacher which means this is the third time that I have had to memorize a Shakepseare speech. First Romeo and Juliet, then The Tragedy of Julius Caesar and now Hamlet. I think that since I have memorized speeches for his class, that this should be a breeze. In class he wanted us to be able to recite five lines with the help of our cheat notecard, but I was able to memorize ten lines instead. Talk about impressive right? Just kidding. There's kids in the class that have memorized more than I have. Some have already memorized their whole speech!!! I feel that I have been slacking on that assignment due tot he over achievers in the class. Oh well, I'm going to try and have the whole speech memorized by Friday. Wish me luck!

Family

When we're in the car heading to school, my sisters and my mom give me the auxillary cord. They make me the in car DJ. But, they want me to play the music that they like. If my sisters and I like a song but my mom doesn't, she will complain and lower the volume until I change it. Yet, when she likes a song and no one else in the car does, she won't let us change it. I don't think that's fair. I feel like all we listen in the car is the same five songs, over and over and over again. I don't think I can deal with slow songs or weird 80s music for another morning. Well, maybe I could if I was fine with losing it. Another thing that irks me is that yeah, when my mom and I are alone, we listen to a lot of different music. But when my sisters are in the car, it's PG music ALL the time. I was listening to songs with vulgar lyrics when I was five years old. I feel that since these are my step sisters my mom thinks she has to baby them in a way. Yet, when she isn't around, we all listen to songs that have cuss words in it. Face it, my sister goes to public school, she's almost a freshman in high school. She's exposed to things everyday. Yet, she's treated like she's a toddler when she's at home. Sometimes I feel sorry for her and when my parents aren't home I let her say whatever she wants or watch whatever she wants- that I have seen before. I guess this is why I'm her favorite sister.

Government Class Jitters

Today in American Government, Mr. Rossi gave us an assignment to take a quiz to see which political party we share views with. After taking the two quizzes, I realized that I am more conservative than I thought. I knew I was conservative, but I didn't know that I was as conservative as I was. We have to share our results to the class next week. I can't help but feel nervous. The last time I was required to share my political views with others was when I participating in JSA at Stanford University. I was totally happy and willing to share my political views during debates and discussions in class, but the more I did the more people tried to change my outlook on these issues. I wanted to make friends so I was willing to listen to their views and why I should change mine. I started to feel uncomfortable being there because I was one of the ten conservatives there. When we were assigned to what debate and whether we would be supporting it or opposing it, I was excited. Though, that all went downhill once I discovered that I would be on the opposing side on the issue of Obamacare. How was I supposed to get votes for my position if everyone favored this issue? I felt discouraged, and didn't know if I should even put any effort into my debate. I tried anyway and after I lost, which was expected, people told me that I was stupid because I didn't have the 'correct' viewpoint. I know that everyone has the right to their own opinion, but for this reason, I feel extremely nervous in sharing my views in class next week. I hope no one is as criticizing or judgmental as the people were at JSA. Fingers crossed.

Halloween!

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. I love going to haunted houses, dressing up, carving pumpkins and seeing decorations and others' costumes on Halloween night. When I used to trick-or-treat, I loved racing my cousins to houses, getting candy, and after counting and organizing them all, trading them for something better. Yes, I counted and organized my candy. I organized them by color and by brand. I was always lucky when I wanted to trade. I'm not a huge fan of chocolate, I like actual sugary candy and my cousins always traded for chocolate.
I'm not very good at carving pumpkins without the little cutouts to help me. I'm not that creative when it comes to designing a scary image on a pumpkin. I like tracing the image off a picture and carving it into the pumpkin. I LOVE the pumpkin smell. But I hate the feeling of the innards of the pumpkin.
One of my favorite things about Halloween is the haunted houses and decorations. In middle school, my grade would always be in charge of the school's haunted house. I remember my science and homeroom teacher would stop lessons once Halloween came closer and we would work on designing the haunted house. Flashing lights, fog, scarers. I love creating them and going through them. I always feel my stomach drop when someone jumps out at me or grabs me. But that is the reason I love them. Last year, my boyfriend took me to Frightmare for my birthday and as I screamed at the top of my lungs, he wasn't scared. I was amazed. He walked through saying, "Hello," to all the scarers, while I had mini freak outs when they popped out or chased us.
Walking around with my sisters while they trick-or-treat, I love seeing the decorations on houses and the costumes. I think it's a way to show of some creativity. The decorations at Spirit this year are demented. I went the other day with my boyfriend and we saw a teddy bear stabbing itself, dolls sewing there mouths shut, babies without eyes who creepily sing, "I'm watching you," and an insane asylum with a girl in the back screaming because there are hooks from chains where her arms should be. Scary, right?

Media RANT

Sometimes I wonder if television and movies run out of ideas. Watching Disney Channel and Nickelodeon with my sisters, I noticed that a lot of these shows deal with teen actors within the show, dancers, musicians, and spoiled rich kids. Though each show has it's own comical factor, the central idea for each has become, in my opinion, a bit cliche. Not only cliche, but a lot of the shows have become increasingly predictable on these channels. You know that everything will work out in the characters' favor. Even though each show has different characters and different conflicts, I can't help but feel bored when watching these channels with my sisters, unless it's Spongebob. I can't handle cheesy actors for show after show. Not only are these kiddish shows becoming cliche, but same are other popular shows. For example, the CSI shows like Bones, CSI (all of those ones..), Hawaii Five-0, Criminal Minds, etc. all revolve around crimes. I know that this is very popular among the population, but I think they're boring. Don't the crimes get old after awhile. One show that I thought was original, however, is Once Upon A Time. Though the characters are based off of well-known fairy tales, I think that the show is great. The characters were all cursed and brought to live in the modern world without remembering anything from their past life. But the curse would be broken upon the chosen one. I like how the show goes back and forth between the present and the past because it shows why they act like they do and it shows how relationships were made in their old life. They not only bring in well-known fairy tales, but also new characters, which gives this show some originality. Although this show is original, it sort of copies the movie Enchanted in it's idea of having a fairy tale character experience life in the modern world.

Whoops...

This blog was the one we wrote in class on Friday before break. Talk about late, right?
So break is just around the corner, and I am so glad that it is finally here. This break is much needed. School and test preps and college researching has made my head spin and a few days will help me feel at ease again. I have a plan for this week, but who knows if I am actually going to follow it.
Saturday: This day will be used for catching up on sleep. I haven't slept for longer than 3 hours in weeks. I think a day off from anything academic is in need here.
Sunday: The thirteenth is my birthday, so one can probably guess what is in store. Feasting, opening presents, watching football, and cake and ice cream. I am going to have my boyfriend and family over. The house gets so loud when everyone is around. Everyone's favorite thing to do on my birthday is to watch my first birthday and every time we watch it, you can count on hearing my cousin shout, "Look how cute I was!"
Monday: Organize. I need to organize my school work. I have two binders, but nothing is very organized. I just stuff it with papers and nothing is in folders of in the ring.
Tuesday: Bank. It's time for me to get my own checking and savings account that is not linked to my parents. I also need to get a hair cut. Time for layers again. YAY.
Wednesday: Colleges. This day should be used for looking for more colleges or researching colleges in depth. I found some colleges that I like, but I think I need to research them a bit more before I start getting applications together. Maybe this day will be used for looking for scholarships too.
Thursday: This day is gonna be used for family. I am going to my family's home in a different city. I think that family time is really needed this year since I probably going off to college in a different state.
Friday: Homework. This day will be used for doing any homework that I have over break.

Stress

On October 5 I took the SAT. I had a huge weight on my shoulders because I am not a good test taker. I studied from the SAT test prep booklet, but I felt my confidence in doing well in the test decline as I was answering the practice questions. I was studying since August for the test, but as the test date was getting closer, I began to feel my stress level increasing. I ended up getting sick two weeks before the test and that prevented me from studying that whole week! Once I was better, I only had one more week to prep for the test and I started getting horrible stress headaches. I started to change my diet to junky types of food and sugary drinks to help me stay up longer to study, however, I ended up having crashes everyday when I would get home after school. I stopped sleeping at night and all of this added to my stress. How could I concentrate when I'm about to collapse into a slumber? I was not thinking about my health but rather about this stupid test. I am not a good test taker and standardized tests shows this opinion. I find myself concentrating on the time more than what is right in front of me. I get anxious due to the silence and I feel that the walls are closing in on me as the test drags on. My mother added to my stress last week when she talked to my best friend. She told her that she didn't want me to study the day before the test so that I could clear my head. My friend ended up telling me she wanted to go shopping and when I got home on Thursday my mom told me I was going out after school and that I would not do any studying what so ever. I could not even due homework!!! What mom does not want their child to do their academic work?! I was flabbergasted. I didn't know what to think, other than without this day to study, I was going to do worse on the SAT. On Saturday, I woke up and I felt good. I actually believed in myself, but as we got closer to Reed, I started having a panic attack. I became short tempered and I felt like crying. I did not want to take this dreadful exam. As the test went on however, I felt that I knew more than when I entered the classroom and I found a new feeling that I have never felt in a testing environment. I felt at ease the whole test. Now all I have to do is wait to see my scores.

Hurry up 18!

Speaking to other students in my grade, I have begun to realize that many of them have started their Capstone Projects. Internships and job shadows at hospitals, farms, elementary schools, or just having a job in general. I'm left feeling like I'm behind and that I won't be able to finish it. In the beginning of the school year, I was just planning on doing another service learning project that sort of related to the one I did my junior year. My group and I received donations from our community businesses, clubs, and friends and family. We sent them all over to Karote, a village in Afghanistan. We did this because we felt that the families there needed support due to them living in a third world country and a war zone. Our community partner even got us an interview with a native Afghan and he told us all about the culture, weather, etc. With my Capstone, however, I wanted to focus on military families instead. I was planning on starting a non-profit organization and getting donations and hosting fundraisers to get supplies that are generally needed and send care packages to the soldiers overseas and provide meals for their families during the holidays. I got this idea last year due to a few service men coming to my house on Thanksgiving with a full home cooked traditional Thanksgiving feast. I thought it would be a good idea to do this for all military families. But, as I was thinking more about it, I decided to focus on my future life more. My 4H adviser is married to a detective who is also a colonel in the military. Recently, he was looking for 18 year old kids so that he can use them in an undercover cop assignment. He asked me if I was 18 and I said not until mid-October. He told me to contact him when I turn 18 and he'll put me on the assignment list and I can go out with the policemen to complete the assignment. This changed my idea for my Capstone. In the future, I want a career in law enforcement and I decided that this is the perfect project for me. I contacted him today and he told me I can do more than just a few undercover assignments. I can also participate in ride-alongs, see how the jails operate, and he is even finding a way for me to get an internship with the police department. This is so exciting to me. I just wish that my 18th birthday came a little faster; only 11 more days!

Where am I Going?

Talking to friends and family members, it seems that everyone knows what they want to do after graduation. Go to college, move, go out of state, start a career. And what am I thinking about doing after graduation? Not a single clue. I know I want to go to college. But where? I was interested in going out of state with my boyfriend, but now I'm really concerned about expenses and living situations. We both want to go to the same place, but different schools due to our interests in careers being different. I want to do something with law enforcement, whether it be a defense attorney, a police officer, or a forensic investigator, however, I want to do something with business too. My grandfather is giving me a huge list of schools to look at that have law enforcement and law courses available, where his friends who have been very successful have attended. He wants me to double major in business and criminal justice. Talking to my father's friend, he wants me to major in engineering and minor in law so that I can be a lawyer for an engineering company and fall back on engineering if the law enforcement thing does not work out. With all these decisions to be made, my head is left aching. I was really interested in doing the CIA internship during college. I was drawn to it, in a way that I knew that was what I wanted to do, but researching it, I realized that I couldn't speak to the people who meant most to me during the times that I was at work during the summer and a few years after college. I could not live without talking to my loved ones. I don't know what I want to do. What I want to major in. Where I want to live. Where I want to go to school. What I want to do in life. All I know is that I want to go start my life with my boyfriend, my best friend, and my biggest supporter. I'm sure we will figure it out before the school year ends. This year is EXTREMELY stressful and it's leaving me angry.

Thoughts on Shakespeare

Though I do not completely understand what Shakespeare is writing and how he gets his message across with his use of language, I like to believe that I am a fan of his. I like his use of tragedy in his plays. I think that's because I am intrigued with creepy, violent, dark things. I'm excited that we started reading Hamlet in class, but I'm not sure if I will like it as much as Macbeth or Julius Caesar. I was not a huge fan of Romeo and Juliet, but that may be because it had dealt with too much "romance," even though both Romeo and Juliet killed themselves. I liked Julius Caesar because Julius Caesar was in my opinion too arrogant to realize that his friends and acquaintances were planning to kill him. My favorite part was when he uttered the words, "Et tu, Brute." I really liked Macbeth because Lady Macbeth acts more like a "man" than Macbeth does. My favorite scene was when Banquo appeared at the dinner party and Macbeth appeared insane to all of his guests. I am really excited to dive into Hamlet. I already finished Act I and I think it is just fascinating. I like the scene where the ghost of King Hamlet tell Prince Hamlet that his uncle had murdered him. I am really excited to see where this plot leads to next. Hopefully, it will be as good as Macbeth and Julius Caesar.

Summer Memories

The summer entering senior year, my grandparents took my cousins and I to Kauai. My aunt and her boyfriend went with us. I've never been to Hawaii before. Before we left, I was so excited but nervous at the same time. Excited to have a mini adventure with the most creative people I know. Nervous that there may be a natural disaster and the flight over the ocean.

Flying horrifies me. I guess you could say I have a fear of it. I'm scared that the plane will have a malfunction and go down and explode. When we got on the plane, my fear started kicking in and my 13 year old cousin was scared too. We held each others' hands and began to feel at ease because we knew that we would protect each other. Once we were in the air, we started feeling calm, but I felt my stomach drop every time the pilot turned the plane different directions.

When we landed in the Lihue Airport, I instantly felt the change in weather. It was not hot, rather it was so humid that it felt hot. Even though we arrived after dark, I could see that everything was greener than here in Reno. I was left in awe; the plants were huge and green, the flowers were so bright and colorful, and the people there were so friendly. Most of the population were Filipino, I felt like I was around long lost cousins. My grandparents chatted with many Filipinos on the island. People they didn't even know, but they were conversing as if they haven't seen each other in years. The resort that we stayed at, gave us an upgrade for free upon arrival. Three bedrooms, three bathrooms, and a kitchen full of cooking ware?! That was insane.

I have three favorite memories of Kauai: seeing three sea turtles, kayaking in the ocean, and the hikes. One day we headed to the south end of the island to Poipu Beach. My 14 year old cousin and I ditched everyone in the lagoon or shallow section of the beach and we went to the actual part of the beach to "ride the waves." The beach was instantly deep within 3 feet of walking into the water. The waves were HUGE. My cousin and I wore goggles and when we saw the waves approaching we would swim to it and try to jump over the wave. On the biggest wave that swallowed us, we both opened our eyes under the water and saw huge sea turtle about a few inches from our face. He was so excited that he sprinted back to the lagoon to brag to his sisters that he and I were the first ones to see a sea turtle.

One morning we left at the crack of dawn to go to Hanelei Bay to get all the paperwork filled out for our kayaking tour. My fourteen year old cousin and I paired together, while my aunt paired with her boyfriend and my thirteen year old cousin with her 18 year old sister. My partner and I along with my other cousins are really competitive so we decided to make it a competition. We started out in the river and there were trees along the water that had flowers fall into the river. Whoever put the most flowers into the other kayak one. We, my team, were winning. but we were cheating. You had to use your paddle to move the flowers, but we were throwing them into their kayak. When we reached the ocean, Secret Beach (because you can only get their through the river), we all went snorkeling. With my aunt, I saw two more sea turtles! I really wanted to touch them, but I didn't have the money to pay the $10,000 fine. In the coral reef, there were neon fish, schools of fish, puffy fish, all kinds of fish. I never thought that they were always so close to the shore. I was always swimming with fish and I never knew it. They gave us sandwiches and fruit for lunch, it was so fresh and juicy. The pineapple there is so sweet and tangy and juicy, the best I've ever had.

We took multiple hikes throughout the time that we were vacationing. One thing that is unique with Kauai is that the chickens roam free. There is an urban legend that the chicken farms were destroyed due to a tsunami and the islanders never fixed them up because there was a chance that they would be destroyed again, however, if you ask an islander why they roam free, they do not know the answer. On our hikes, we tried catching the chickens, but failed. If you catch one, you get to keep it. I found a trail and trees marked the pathway. It was so green. Everything was like a different shade of green, I didn't know that there were that many shades of that color. On all of our hikes, I felt like I was roaming in the jungle with the vines and trees and animals roaming around. My favorite hike, was to the caves next to Tunnels Beach. The caves were so pretty to me. Looking out from you could see the green trees and the blue skies and even the ocean, Beautiful.

The night we left, was in fact a lucky one. The winds were picking up in speed and the rain was getting heavier. The morning I landed in Reno, the big island was hit by a hurricane.

The Irksome Sonnets

What do you think when someone says sonnet? I think confusion. What's so great about them? Why is it so special that it has formatted in fourteen lines? That it is either in Elizabethan (ababcdcdefefgg) or Petrarchan (abbaabbaccdeed)? That the last line is a couplet? To me, it is just another confusing poem that takes me hours to understand. Others think it is beautiful while I think it's the reason that my head aches.

So far this school year we have dove into two sonnets by the well-known William Shakespeare. When Mr. Burge read "Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer's Day?" and asked us what the speaker was literally saying, I was in the dark. I stared at the words in each line long and hard. Re-reading it over and over. Nothing. My brain made no connections at all. All that was going through my mind was me thinking that it was stupid. I didn't understand it even though multiple students were yelling out answers. When we answered the questions for this sonnet for homework, I had no clue how to approach any of the questions. I had to go online to see explanations and paraphrases of it to begin to understand.

Yesterday we had a discussion regarding Sonnet 29. Again, I had no idea what Shakespeare had written. I got irritated trying to figure it out as everyone began to discuss it. Mr. Burge was asking us where the shift was and why it had occurred. I could easily find it because line 9 began with the word 'yet'. Easy enough. But to say why it shifted and what he was saying before and what he was saying now? You have got to be kidding me. It was almost impossible for me to answer. Luckily, I wasn't called on. With the last two minutes of class, he stated that he wouldn't let anyone leave until someone told him what the couplet meant. Thank the Greek gods someone answered him because if it was me who had to tell him, we would all still be in class.

College Fears

High school life seems like it is rapidly coming to an end. That means only one thing; college life begins shortly after. I've felt my stress level escalate tremendously within the past few weeks. People have told that I've become sort of like a ticking bomb, I could explode at any moment. I don't intend to come off as rude or snappy towards others, but lately fear and stress has taken control of me. I feel a weight on my shoulders. My future is slapping me in the face every day asking me what I plan on doing next year.
College. That's my plan. But where? For the few months, I was extremely interested in attending Montana State University in the fall. Last night, my parents and I attended a meet and greet at Round Table with an admissions representative from MSU. As she was talking about the school activities, living arrangements, and the state itself, I was pumped thinking, "this is my number one choice." However, my outlook on this dream school changed drastically as she started discussing the academics. I realized that there were not as many courses for criminal justice or for any law and law enforcement. I want to study criminal justice and even though I love the Montana State campus and all that goes with it, I decided that this school was not what I was looking for.
After the meeting, my parents began listing multiple colleges where they think I should attend and my head started spinning. There's all these options for me and I have to make the final decision. I can't depend on my mom to tell me what to do anymore or to help me make my decisions. I have to do it all by myself. To me, that frightens me. I'm so comfortable with the idea that I can depend on her, yet now, as I get older, I have to learn how to make decisions for myself and what I want.
In the summer of 2012, I had the privilege of attending the Junior Statesman Achievement program and take a Constitutional Law course while living on the Stanford University campus. I had the chance to live by myself and make my own decisions. I felt like an actual college student, but I wasn't. My mom called every morning to make sure I was awake, ready for class, getting along with my classmates and dorm-mates, and eating three meals a day. She put money on my debit card whenever I ran out or wanted to by something that was expensive. It was like I was home. I fear that I will have a difficult time adjusting to actual college life because I'm not going to have my mom making sure I'm doing everything that I am doing. College, please don't be too much of a challenge.  

Battle It Out

I’m not the most comfortable when it comes to tests, quizzes, and quests. To be honest, I get nervous and I feel as if I am forgetting everything that I have learned. This morning during AP Literature, Mr. Burge began the class with the statement, “I have a quiz for you guys.” My head began to throb probably because my brain was putting all my knowledge into the recycle bin and shutting down. I try to remember what types of poems we have read and what we had already gone over in class so that I had some sort of chance passing. But then I hear the sentence, “I think I lost your quiz.” I start to feel relieved. My headache fades. Class continues and I’m intrigued to everyone’s opinion on the poem A Hymn to God the Father. But, as class starts to get closer to ending, Mr. Burge finds the quizzes! He explains to us that it’s a poem from a past AP test and that we have only fifteen minutes to complete it. “Great, I spend hours working on poetry homework. How am I supposed to read a poem that I’ve never read before and answer twelve questions in fifteen minutes?” I read the poem and I discovered that I have no idea of what the speaker is saying or what they are describing. I felt that this was a challenge and that I would fail miserably. At the end of fifteen minutes, I didn’t even get to the tenth question. I felt defeated, but there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Mr. Burge told us to get into groups and “battle out” our answers so that we had a chance to discuss the questions and the reasoning behind our answers. I listened to my group and noticed more than a few of my answers were not like the rest. They explained often why they were right and I was wrong; I changed a lot of my answers. With a little over five minutes left of class, Burge had us pass our papers back so that we could grade them and see how we were scored. As he was reading off the answers, I noticed that some of the original answers I had chosen were right! I could not have believed it. I felt accomplished that I could actually answer questions to poetry that I didn’t even the slightest understand, but angry that I second guessed myself so many times. Next time I know to argue my side with more effort and to not give in to their explanations as willingly as I did today.  

Pushing Boundaries

In 2006, Disney Channel fans were introduced to the innocent, friendly, southern role model, Miley Cyrus in the popular show of Hannah Montana. Miley played the roles of both Miley Stewart and Hannah Montana. Across the nation, this sweetheart gained popularity. Many regarded her as their role model because she was sweet, pure, innocent, made the right decisions and did not have any type of scandals on the World Wide Web or in the tabloids. However, fast forward seven years and America’s sweetheart is not so sweet anymore. With a drastic change in appearance and personality, Miley Cyrus has become a reckless, wild, boundary-pushing celebrity. Her newest single “We Can’t Stop” represents how much she has changed. The lyrics as well as the music video promote vulgar and reckless teenage behavior: consuming liquor, casual sex, drug abuse, and self-harm.

In an interview on Ryan Seacrest’s radio segment, she states, “the song shows where I am in my life right now.” ‘We like to party/ Dancing with Molly,’ and ‘Trying to get a line in the bathroom/ We all so turned up here/ Getting turnt up,’ refers to how wild their actions can be due to large amounts of drug or alcohol consumption. ‘Dancing with Molly’ is a reference to the effects of the drug MDMA. It’s a club drug and many consume it at raves, parties, or dance clubs. ‘We can kiss who we want,’ represents casual sex, having multiple partners at one time, and those they can be either gender.

The music video itself represents what the lyrics are saying quite well. Cyrus is wearing revealing clothing and dancing provocatively or in layman’s term twerking. There are many scenes where careless sex is promoted: smoke symbolizing ejaculation and grabbing of body parts. Self-harm is promoted by one taking a knife and acting as if they are cutting their own fingers off with it and having a pool of pink liquid releasing from behind their fingers. Self-harm is also promoted with the crushing of the french fry skull. Drugs are represented by their wild dancing, them scrambling to get the food from the piñata, and during the scene where they are all laying in the pool with a censored sign over their mouths.

On countless interviews, Miley Cyrus has been asked to respond on the obscene music video and her jaw-dropping performance at the VMA’s. What’s her response? She states that the people need to realize that she isn’t Hannah Montana anymore and she doesn’t understand what the big deal was. Once, America’s sweetheart, Miley Cyrus has become one role-model that parents do not want their child to have. She’s successfully separated herself from her childhood career and created a horrible reputation of herself.