Biological Family

Family. When I hear that word, I think of my crazy family. Step siblings. Step family. Not knowing members of your biological family. Arguments. Laughter. All of it. I care deeply about my family, don't get me wrong. But sometimes I wonder what it would be like if my biological father was a part of my life. Would I actually have the two half brothers that everyone says I have? Would I argue with my mom as much as I do today? Would I be living with him instead of her? Would I even be going to this school? I imagine my life would be completely different. When I hear my mom talk, I find myself wondering more and more about what this parallel life would be like. My grandparents are very traditional. In their culture they are all about blood family. Though they will accept step or adopted children into their family, they will not consider them family. I guess I can see where my mother's anger from them comes from. They have fish on the wall, but only have five for me and my cousins. None for my three step sisters. I understand both sides. But this is because I get it. I guess in a way I am like them with the whole family thing. I consider my step family actual family. But to be honest, I don't love them as much as my blood. My mother refuses to realize that my step grandparents do the same thing. When my parents are not around, I find myself often feeling ignored or not a part of the family. Yet, I know they care for me like I'm one of their own grandchildren. Sometimes I just wonder what it would be like to meet my biological father. Last I heard, he lived in the Midwest. But, who knows where he really lives. I don't even know what I would say to him. Would I yell? Be angry? Ask why he wasn't there for me? I really want to know who he is, but I'm scared to find out.