Where am I Going?

Talking to friends and family members, it seems that everyone knows what they want to do after graduation. Go to college, move, go out of state, start a career. And what am I thinking about doing after graduation? Not a single clue. I know I want to go to college. But where? I was interested in going out of state with my boyfriend, but now I'm really concerned about expenses and living situations. We both want to go to the same place, but different schools due to our interests in careers being different. I want to do something with law enforcement, whether it be a defense attorney, a police officer, or a forensic investigator, however, I want to do something with business too. My grandfather is giving me a huge list of schools to look at that have law enforcement and law courses available, where his friends who have been very successful have attended. He wants me to double major in business and criminal justice. Talking to my father's friend, he wants me to major in engineering and minor in law so that I can be a lawyer for an engineering company and fall back on engineering if the law enforcement thing does not work out. With all these decisions to be made, my head is left aching. I was really interested in doing the CIA internship during college. I was drawn to it, in a way that I knew that was what I wanted to do, but researching it, I realized that I couldn't speak to the people who meant most to me during the times that I was at work during the summer and a few years after college. I could not live without talking to my loved ones. I don't know what I want to do. What I want to major in. Where I want to live. Where I want to go to school. What I want to do in life. All I know is that I want to go start my life with my boyfriend, my best friend, and my biggest supporter. I'm sure we will figure it out before the school year ends. This year is EXTREMELY stressful and it's leaving me angry.

Thoughts on Shakespeare

Though I do not completely understand what Shakespeare is writing and how he gets his message across with his use of language, I like to believe that I am a fan of his. I like his use of tragedy in his plays. I think that's because I am intrigued with creepy, violent, dark things. I'm excited that we started reading Hamlet in class, but I'm not sure if I will like it as much as Macbeth or Julius Caesar. I was not a huge fan of Romeo and Juliet, but that may be because it had dealt with too much "romance," even though both Romeo and Juliet killed themselves. I liked Julius Caesar because Julius Caesar was in my opinion too arrogant to realize that his friends and acquaintances were planning to kill him. My favorite part was when he uttered the words, "Et tu, Brute." I really liked Macbeth because Lady Macbeth acts more like a "man" than Macbeth does. My favorite scene was when Banquo appeared at the dinner party and Macbeth appeared insane to all of his guests. I am really excited to dive into Hamlet. I already finished Act I and I think it is just fascinating. I like the scene where the ghost of King Hamlet tell Prince Hamlet that his uncle had murdered him. I am really excited to see where this plot leads to next. Hopefully, it will be as good as Macbeth and Julius Caesar.

Summer Memories

The summer entering senior year, my grandparents took my cousins and I to Kauai. My aunt and her boyfriend went with us. I've never been to Hawaii before. Before we left, I was so excited but nervous at the same time. Excited to have a mini adventure with the most creative people I know. Nervous that there may be a natural disaster and the flight over the ocean.

Flying horrifies me. I guess you could say I have a fear of it. I'm scared that the plane will have a malfunction and go down and explode. When we got on the plane, my fear started kicking in and my 13 year old cousin was scared too. We held each others' hands and began to feel at ease because we knew that we would protect each other. Once we were in the air, we started feeling calm, but I felt my stomach drop every time the pilot turned the plane different directions.

When we landed in the Lihue Airport, I instantly felt the change in weather. It was not hot, rather it was so humid that it felt hot. Even though we arrived after dark, I could see that everything was greener than here in Reno. I was left in awe; the plants were huge and green, the flowers were so bright and colorful, and the people there were so friendly. Most of the population were Filipino, I felt like I was around long lost cousins. My grandparents chatted with many Filipinos on the island. People they didn't even know, but they were conversing as if they haven't seen each other in years. The resort that we stayed at, gave us an upgrade for free upon arrival. Three bedrooms, three bathrooms, and a kitchen full of cooking ware?! That was insane.

I have three favorite memories of Kauai: seeing three sea turtles, kayaking in the ocean, and the hikes. One day we headed to the south end of the island to Poipu Beach. My 14 year old cousin and I ditched everyone in the lagoon or shallow section of the beach and we went to the actual part of the beach to "ride the waves." The beach was instantly deep within 3 feet of walking into the water. The waves were HUGE. My cousin and I wore goggles and when we saw the waves approaching we would swim to it and try to jump over the wave. On the biggest wave that swallowed us, we both opened our eyes under the water and saw huge sea turtle about a few inches from our face. He was so excited that he sprinted back to the lagoon to brag to his sisters that he and I were the first ones to see a sea turtle.

One morning we left at the crack of dawn to go to Hanelei Bay to get all the paperwork filled out for our kayaking tour. My fourteen year old cousin and I paired together, while my aunt paired with her boyfriend and my thirteen year old cousin with her 18 year old sister. My partner and I along with my other cousins are really competitive so we decided to make it a competition. We started out in the river and there were trees along the water that had flowers fall into the river. Whoever put the most flowers into the other kayak one. We, my team, were winning. but we were cheating. You had to use your paddle to move the flowers, but we were throwing them into their kayak. When we reached the ocean, Secret Beach (because you can only get their through the river), we all went snorkeling. With my aunt, I saw two more sea turtles! I really wanted to touch them, but I didn't have the money to pay the $10,000 fine. In the coral reef, there were neon fish, schools of fish, puffy fish, all kinds of fish. I never thought that they were always so close to the shore. I was always swimming with fish and I never knew it. They gave us sandwiches and fruit for lunch, it was so fresh and juicy. The pineapple there is so sweet and tangy and juicy, the best I've ever had.

We took multiple hikes throughout the time that we were vacationing. One thing that is unique with Kauai is that the chickens roam free. There is an urban legend that the chicken farms were destroyed due to a tsunami and the islanders never fixed them up because there was a chance that they would be destroyed again, however, if you ask an islander why they roam free, they do not know the answer. On our hikes, we tried catching the chickens, but failed. If you catch one, you get to keep it. I found a trail and trees marked the pathway. It was so green. Everything was like a different shade of green, I didn't know that there were that many shades of that color. On all of our hikes, I felt like I was roaming in the jungle with the vines and trees and animals roaming around. My favorite hike, was to the caves next to Tunnels Beach. The caves were so pretty to me. Looking out from you could see the green trees and the blue skies and even the ocean, Beautiful.

The night we left, was in fact a lucky one. The winds were picking up in speed and the rain was getting heavier. The morning I landed in Reno, the big island was hit by a hurricane.

The Irksome Sonnets

What do you think when someone says sonnet? I think confusion. What's so great about them? Why is it so special that it has formatted in fourteen lines? That it is either in Elizabethan (ababcdcdefefgg) or Petrarchan (abbaabbaccdeed)? That the last line is a couplet? To me, it is just another confusing poem that takes me hours to understand. Others think it is beautiful while I think it's the reason that my head aches.

So far this school year we have dove into two sonnets by the well-known William Shakespeare. When Mr. Burge read "Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer's Day?" and asked us what the speaker was literally saying, I was in the dark. I stared at the words in each line long and hard. Re-reading it over and over. Nothing. My brain made no connections at all. All that was going through my mind was me thinking that it was stupid. I didn't understand it even though multiple students were yelling out answers. When we answered the questions for this sonnet for homework, I had no clue how to approach any of the questions. I had to go online to see explanations and paraphrases of it to begin to understand.

Yesterday we had a discussion regarding Sonnet 29. Again, I had no idea what Shakespeare had written. I got irritated trying to figure it out as everyone began to discuss it. Mr. Burge was asking us where the shift was and why it had occurred. I could easily find it because line 9 began with the word 'yet'. Easy enough. But to say why it shifted and what he was saying before and what he was saying now? You have got to be kidding me. It was almost impossible for me to answer. Luckily, I wasn't called on. With the last two minutes of class, he stated that he wouldn't let anyone leave until someone told him what the couplet meant. Thank the Greek gods someone answered him because if it was me who had to tell him, we would all still be in class.

College Fears

High school life seems like it is rapidly coming to an end. That means only one thing; college life begins shortly after. I've felt my stress level escalate tremendously within the past few weeks. People have told that I've become sort of like a ticking bomb, I could explode at any moment. I don't intend to come off as rude or snappy towards others, but lately fear and stress has taken control of me. I feel a weight on my shoulders. My future is slapping me in the face every day asking me what I plan on doing next year.
College. That's my plan. But where? For the few months, I was extremely interested in attending Montana State University in the fall. Last night, my parents and I attended a meet and greet at Round Table with an admissions representative from MSU. As she was talking about the school activities, living arrangements, and the state itself, I was pumped thinking, "this is my number one choice." However, my outlook on this dream school changed drastically as she started discussing the academics. I realized that there were not as many courses for criminal justice or for any law and law enforcement. I want to study criminal justice and even though I love the Montana State campus and all that goes with it, I decided that this school was not what I was looking for.
After the meeting, my parents began listing multiple colleges where they think I should attend and my head started spinning. There's all these options for me and I have to make the final decision. I can't depend on my mom to tell me what to do anymore or to help me make my decisions. I have to do it all by myself. To me, that frightens me. I'm so comfortable with the idea that I can depend on her, yet now, as I get older, I have to learn how to make decisions for myself and what I want.
In the summer of 2012, I had the privilege of attending the Junior Statesman Achievement program and take a Constitutional Law course while living on the Stanford University campus. I had the chance to live by myself and make my own decisions. I felt like an actual college student, but I wasn't. My mom called every morning to make sure I was awake, ready for class, getting along with my classmates and dorm-mates, and eating three meals a day. She put money on my debit card whenever I ran out or wanted to by something that was expensive. It was like I was home. I fear that I will have a difficult time adjusting to actual college life because I'm not going to have my mom making sure I'm doing everything that I am doing. College, please don't be too much of a challenge.  

Battle It Out

I’m not the most comfortable when it comes to tests, quizzes, and quests. To be honest, I get nervous and I feel as if I am forgetting everything that I have learned. This morning during AP Literature, Mr. Burge began the class with the statement, “I have a quiz for you guys.” My head began to throb probably because my brain was putting all my knowledge into the recycle bin and shutting down. I try to remember what types of poems we have read and what we had already gone over in class so that I had some sort of chance passing. But then I hear the sentence, “I think I lost your quiz.” I start to feel relieved. My headache fades. Class continues and I’m intrigued to everyone’s opinion on the poem A Hymn to God the Father. But, as class starts to get closer to ending, Mr. Burge finds the quizzes! He explains to us that it’s a poem from a past AP test and that we have only fifteen minutes to complete it. “Great, I spend hours working on poetry homework. How am I supposed to read a poem that I’ve never read before and answer twelve questions in fifteen minutes?” I read the poem and I discovered that I have no idea of what the speaker is saying or what they are describing. I felt that this was a challenge and that I would fail miserably. At the end of fifteen minutes, I didn’t even get to the tenth question. I felt defeated, but there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Mr. Burge told us to get into groups and “battle out” our answers so that we had a chance to discuss the questions and the reasoning behind our answers. I listened to my group and noticed more than a few of my answers were not like the rest. They explained often why they were right and I was wrong; I changed a lot of my answers. With a little over five minutes left of class, Burge had us pass our papers back so that we could grade them and see how we were scored. As he was reading off the answers, I noticed that some of the original answers I had chosen were right! I could not have believed it. I felt accomplished that I could actually answer questions to poetry that I didn’t even the slightest understand, but angry that I second guessed myself so many times. Next time I know to argue my side with more effort and to not give in to their explanations as willingly as I did today.  

Pushing Boundaries

In 2006, Disney Channel fans were introduced to the innocent, friendly, southern role model, Miley Cyrus in the popular show of Hannah Montana. Miley played the roles of both Miley Stewart and Hannah Montana. Across the nation, this sweetheart gained popularity. Many regarded her as their role model because she was sweet, pure, innocent, made the right decisions and did not have any type of scandals on the World Wide Web or in the tabloids. However, fast forward seven years and America’s sweetheart is not so sweet anymore. With a drastic change in appearance and personality, Miley Cyrus has become a reckless, wild, boundary-pushing celebrity. Her newest single “We Can’t Stop” represents how much she has changed. The lyrics as well as the music video promote vulgar and reckless teenage behavior: consuming liquor, casual sex, drug abuse, and self-harm.

In an interview on Ryan Seacrest’s radio segment, she states, “the song shows where I am in my life right now.” ‘We like to party/ Dancing with Molly,’ and ‘Trying to get a line in the bathroom/ We all so turned up here/ Getting turnt up,’ refers to how wild their actions can be due to large amounts of drug or alcohol consumption. ‘Dancing with Molly’ is a reference to the effects of the drug MDMA. It’s a club drug and many consume it at raves, parties, or dance clubs. ‘We can kiss who we want,’ represents casual sex, having multiple partners at one time, and those they can be either gender.

The music video itself represents what the lyrics are saying quite well. Cyrus is wearing revealing clothing and dancing provocatively or in layman’s term twerking. There are many scenes where careless sex is promoted: smoke symbolizing ejaculation and grabbing of body parts. Self-harm is promoted by one taking a knife and acting as if they are cutting their own fingers off with it and having a pool of pink liquid releasing from behind their fingers. Self-harm is also promoted with the crushing of the french fry skull. Drugs are represented by their wild dancing, them scrambling to get the food from the piñata, and during the scene where they are all laying in the pool with a censored sign over their mouths.

On countless interviews, Miley Cyrus has been asked to respond on the obscene music video and her jaw-dropping performance at the VMA’s. What’s her response? She states that the people need to realize that she isn’t Hannah Montana anymore and she doesn’t understand what the big deal was. Once, America’s sweetheart, Miley Cyrus has become one role-model that parents do not want their child to have. She’s successfully separated herself from her childhood career and created a horrible reputation of herself.

Cartoons

After stressful days or when I get frustrated or when I feel like having a laugh, I watch the very popular show on Nickelodeon, Spongebob Squarepants. Even though it is targeted at children, I find it one of the funniest shows I have ever viewed. Lately when I have homework to complete and Spongebob is on the television, I find myself focusing more on the cartoon characters rather than my school work. However, when I watch it, I think about the characters and their personalities and what they all portray. For example, Mrs. Puff represents a person who has been turned to insanity and often going to jail because Spongebob doesn’t know how to drive which often leads to destruction. She is driven to insanity due to all of the traumatic incidents Spongebob has made her experience. Also, Spongebob represents an adult who is a child at heart. This is displayed by how he has a career as a fry cook at the Krusty Krab and lives on his own with his pet snail Gary, but is immature with his friends and reactions to events such as playing with bubbles and constantly crying. Although statistics have displayed that watching Spongebob Squarepants has resulted in the downfall of IQ levels, my sisters, cousins and I watch it constantly and we all receive high grades. I don’t think the idiotic actions or plots in the cartoon present a risk to a child’s academic level. Instead, I believe that this show helps children with their imagination. For example, there was an episode where Spongebob and his friend Patrick created different scenarios and sat in a box acting out them out. Squidward, their neighbor, did not know what it meant to use his imagination. He heard them playing in the box and thought that they had some sort of technology producing the noises of explosions and rocket engine sounds, however, Spongebob and Patrick were making the noises themselves. To me, this shows how one can use their imagination to have fun and I believe that this cartoon shows children how to be creative and imaginative with how they spend their time and how they do projects or activities.

Poetry

It’s Thursday morning, August 29, 2013 and I along with my classmates am sitting in first period AP Literature. I start to daze off as Mr. Burge answers questions about our semester blog assignment. All of a sudden, he instructs us to open our literature books to the poetry section and he reads aloud The Eagle by Alfred, Lord Tennyson. He then questions the class about the meaning of the poem and how the eagle is portrayed. I look around the classroom and notice that no one other than the three usual participants has their hand raised. Mr. Burge seems to acknowledge this too fore he states that he is going to randomly call on people. My stomach drops and I avert my eyes looking at anything but him so I don’t get called on. I re-read the poem trying to figure out how to answer his questions, but my low comprehension level prevents me from doing so. I feel at ease and let out a sigh of relief when he picks on a student behind me to give an answer.

Now it’s Saturday and I open up my literature book to complete the poetry assignment. I begin to read each poem and my blood begins to boil in frustration. How am I supposed to know what the poem gains by the author’s shift in writing or why the author chose to write in a form that recalls for ballad tradition or what Terence believes are the three aids for worthwhile living? I ask my best friend and parents for assistance to see if they can help me comprehend what the poems are stating or what their meanings may be, but even with their explanations I gain nothing. Finally, I lose all my confidence and I start to lose faith in myself. My mind is telling me that I’m not smart enough to be in an AP English class and that I will end up failing the class altogether. It gets harder to concentrate on the poems and I decide I need a break. Once I calmed down, I decided to try again and carefully read each poem one by one. I find myself slowly beginning to decipher each line and I get excited and I answer all the questions for each poem. Closing in at the sixth hour of doing the poetry assignment, I finish and feel that I have achieved an obstacle.

As Vince Lombardi once said, “The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand.” Though poetry is difficult for me to comprehend and it can take hours for me to finally reach an understanding of what is being said or what the meaning is, I am determined to increase my comprehension level so that I can be one of the students who raise their hand in class to answer the poetry questions.